Toddlers are born boundary pushers. They test boundaries. This doesn’t make them disobedient, but this is infact a normal developmental stage in their lives where they want to exert independence and be incharge. But having clear loving boundaries and holding onto the boundary when your little pushes it, is the key to build a secure relationship with fewer battles and overall healthy and happy child.
Toddler bedtime battle is one of the scenario where they test waters by stalling at bedtime. They know that crying or whining will buy them some more playtime/screen time etc before they finally have to go to sleep.
Before, we discuss how to deal with toddler bedtime battles, lets first go over through the reasons why they are happening.
Why is my toddler fighting bedtime?
Daytime schedule:
One of the most common reasons for toddlers to stall at bedtime is either they are overtired because of less sleep during the day or under tired because of too much sleep during the day.
Keep in mind, overtiredness at bedtime sometimes shows as being hyperactive, clumsy, being too cute which makes parents think that maybe their child is not tired enough for bed leading to a late bedtime and in turn more tiredness.
Sleep regression:
A sleep regression simply means that the child is learning a new developmental skill that is affecting their sleep. Most common toddler sleep regressions happen at 18 months and 24 months of age. This time of big developmental strides could be the reason for the bedtime battles.
Sickness or teething:
Sleep battles are common when they fall sick or have a tooth coming in.
Big life changes such as moving, starting daycare/preschool, new baby:
Toddlers don’t know how to navigate through big changes, and the first thing that might be affected during this time of change is sleep. They need more cuddles and attention to get through the time of change and don’t want to go to bed.
Over stimulation before bed:
Screentime, exciting playtime, too much noise or music right before bedtime can also mess with their sleep.
So, how to deal with this?
How to stop toddler bedtime battles?
- Be clear about your expectations
Explain to your toddler what time are they going to bed and what they can expect at bedtime. Talking them into it and explaining will help them feel secure and be heard and will reduce the likelihood of a battle at bedtime. Example: “We have 5 minutes left until we go to bed. After 5 minutes, we will go to your room, change into the pajamas, read your favorite story and go to sleep.”
2. Offer choices to your toddler.
Don’t give them too many options to choose from. Give them just two options and let them choose. This way you are giving them some control while also holding a boundary. Example: “Do you want to wear blue pajamas or pink pajamas?”, “Will you turn off the light or would you want me to do it?” etc.
Be mindful of the choices you give. Things like when to go to bed or where to sleep are not the choices they control.
3. Hold firmly to your boundaries.
When you have given them options/choices to choose from, now is the time to hold onto the boundary. This is the time where you will follow through the rules you have set after giving them choices and preparing them for bedtime. If they test your boundary by crying, you can acknowledge and validate their feelings so they feel secure but no giving in. They need to know that bedtime is non-negotiable.
4. Bedtime routine chart.
Stick a bedtime routine chart in your toddler’s room and explain each step to your toddler the first time you put it in their room. Upon doing each step, ask your toddler to stick a sticker infront of that step to feel accomplished and happy. This will make bedtime fun for them and give them a visual reminder for your expectations from them.
5. Follow the age appropriate wake window for your toddler.
Following the right wake window for your toddler will prevent over/under tiredness and save you from a bedtime battle.
6. Set up a sleep environment conducive to sleep.
Keep their bedroom dark with the right amount of cooling/heating and white noise to make it comfortable. Also, make sure the routine takes place in their room and the lights are dim. No screen time right before bed.
The key to preventing those bedtime meltdowns is setting clear boundaries, letting your toddler know about them and sticking to the boundary once it has been set.
My toddler sleep training package addresses how to stop those bedtime battles with your toddler and make them sleep in their bed in their room without any wakeups.
Book a FREE 15 minutes call with me by clicking on the link to know how we can do this together. https://calendly.com/gentlezzz/free-evaluation-call?month=2023-05
Happy sleep!
